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I've been avoiding this, I like to present myself as put together, as confident and ready to tackle what the world was going to serve up. In truth, I'm feeling a little lost.
I've been looking for a (full time) job since March, I still have not found one, but I am working part time and I love the work I'm doing. I'm writing and creating documentation, I get to be creative, I'm writing, which is what I wanted to do, and I'm getting paid to do it. Sometimes the information that I have to deal with is a little dry but I made the decision to (try) to bring passion to everything I'm doing. If I think it's boring that will come through in my writing, so I strive to get myself interested in it and then the words flow more readily.
Every day I look for more job to apply for, and once a week I sit here and apply to them. I write a different cover letter for each one, I tweak my resume almost daily. I'm showing up, I'm doing the work, and I am still hopeful.
Of course, I have my moments. I joke that I'm completely unemployable. I say to my husband, "it's a good thing you've got a couple of job because your wife is unemployable" then I make a sad dog face. I still pray daily, and I have this deep feeling of peace. I feel like it's resting right at the bottom of my belly that everything is going to be okay and I'll find something to do with my life.
Back to my first paragraph, I'm feeling a little lost. I feel like I'm waiting for something to happen to me, and I hate waiting. I'm not sure if I'm supposed to be doing something so I'm waiting for a sign, or a phone call, or something to tell me what direction to go. I'm longing for something more and I'm searching for it every where, quietly.