Hold on...

Posted by J on Friday, March 11, 2011. Filed under: , ,

There are six weeks until big changes are coming to our family. I'm so nervous, scared, and freaking out. I have to just simply try not to think about it because there is absoultely nothing that I personally can do to prepare for this, I've already done all I can. I just have to let it come and allow whatever is going to happen to happen.

I hate that, and I'm finding that I'm going into mini panic attacks daily. I need to figure out a way to deal with this anxiety or I will get sick and that's not something I want to deal with on top of what is going to be happening.

I'm sorry I'm being so cryptic but I'm not prepared to talk about what's happen as of yet, I'm not sure if I will at all. I'm not sure if my getting excited about something somehow sets the universe into motion to make sure that whatever it is does not happen, for the past several years things have been going pretty badly for us money-wise, and my husband's career-wise, so I suppose I'm use to things going in that direction. How very depressing!

I'm glad that I've hoarded a ton of body wash over the years so I'll have plenty of smelly stuff to take several thousands of bubble baths and I have a lot of yarn, it might not be very good yarn but it's yarn and really if it came down to it I'd knit with dental floss (which I also have a lot of because I always get extra from the dentist).

I'm worried, very worried. I'm not even sure if that's the correct word for what I'm feeling right now but I have to figure out a way to deal with it. As of May 1, we will no longer have health insurance and being a person with a chronic illness, it's doubtful that I will ever be insured again (at least until 2014). Going into a flare is not an option. I'll be able to get my meds filled at the end of April, so I'll be able to ween myself off of them through May and we'll see what happens (my state does not have any health care coverage for adults, so that's not an option, COBRA is also not an option too $$, private pay insurance won't touch me because of my condition). I have the diet and my supplements firmly in place so I might be alright, keeping my fingers crossed and praying. Things have changed. My husband's date got pushed back so I will not be flipping out until July now, a couple more months to prepare.

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