Posted by J on Wednesday, May 23, 2012.

I've been thinking about how and what to write for a while now but everything seems forced. I can't get into the flow of it and I'm tripping over my words.

In the past couple of weeks a lot of things happened.

First the positive news, I've started looking for a job, yes a job that will require me to leave the house and put my littlest in daycare. My mom wants to watch her, so nothing will really change for her since we all live together. I'm really excited about working! I've been applying and I'm hoping to hear something soon, if my potential employers are googling me: HI! Please hire me! I'll do a fantastic job!

Now the hard part: My Grandmother passed away the morning of May 12. Yes the day before mother's day. It was awful, the viewing, the funeral, so so sad. She was 94 years old. She had a good long life, and we should all be so lucky, but it still hurt. I had never lost a grandparent before. I think it was that much worse because I know that it's starting, the people I love are going to die. I knew that, logically, but now that it's actually here in front of me it makes it hard to breathe. It hurts. It makes me want to write a bunch of long run-on sentences. I'm just not sure what to do or how to express it properly.

I feel small and vulnerable, human, I guess. 

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