Ramble On

My biggest goal thus far has been to become really good at something, just one thing. So far I'm okay at several things and I don't actually have enough motivation to stick it out to be really good at anything. I've dabbled in pretty much everything my entire life and nothing has stuck. I keep starting blogs and I'll post a couple of times on each of them and then stop cause I just can't keep up the pretense. All the blogs I read are happy, lighthearted, Christian, good mama blogs. I just can't do that. I'd like to think that I'm all of the above things too but I just can't write about it daily and have it seem true. I think I stopped blogging at all my other blogs (besides my personal LJ) simply because I wasn't being true to myself. All this came to me suddenly in such a rush it was almost overwhemling and scared me to the point of almost doing nothing like always. Al my life I've let fear control me and although it scares me far more than I'd like to admit I'm not going to let it any more.

I'm going to make this my main blog and eventually wheen myself off the private LJ, let's see how long this lasts.

I need to get started on my xmas knitting. I've stalled out (like always) half way through. I have two more stockings to knit and a couple of hats. I'd also like to knit a bag for mom but I'm nervous about that because while she says she wants a bag she also has very specific bag needs and I don't think I can make what she wants.

I need some motivation. I'm not sure where to find it.