I cried today

Posted by J on Thursday, January 6, 2011. Filed under: ,

Today I woke up feeling pretty good. No pain! Things were going on per usual until I got a phone call around 1 PM from a nurse working for my insurance company. Apparently they are now providing phone support for people with chronic conditions. Then it hit me, shit,  I have a chronic condition.

I sort of had forgotten about it this morning but talking to her got me really upset. It was was her tone of voice, she was nice, of course, but it was the tone that made it apparent that she was very very sorry for me which made me feel horrible. I hung up the phone and just cried. I’m not sure I even know how to articulate this. It seems like people just know all the bad stuff that can happen with the disease, they don’t want to talk about self care during times of relative good health, it’s like we’re always preparing for the next flare. I know the tone of voice was because she knew just what could happen to me and how bad it could get. Like it was a matter of when and not if it was going to happen and that scares the hell out of me. I know how bad this can get and I’m determined to do everything in my power to not let it happen. That doesn’t mean that it won’t and maybe I’m just buying myself some time (or maybe I’m not at all and my next flare is just around the corner).  Just once I want someone in the medical field to say, “you know, you’re going to alright”.

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