Ramble On

Today I slept a lot, I think I really over did it yesterday or I actually have a flu-ish virus. My entire body aches and I'm just tired tired tired. My voice has been improving through out the day but I've taken three naps and it's 11PM now and I'm about ready for bed again. I hate being sick. I hate feeling like I'm behind on everything (house work) and I haven't knitted in three days, I just haven't had the engergy for it.

I'm thankful though, that this is just a regular normal-person-sick and there has been no Crohn's involvement at all. So as much as I hate it, I'm grateful! I can't believe I was sick (Crohn's sick) for so long, every single day, and I thought there was nothing wrong with me. How freaking crazy is that?

I've got a fever. I've been having some issues since Wedensday. My husband said I was over reacting cause I was nervous about Saturday. Can overreacting cause a fever? I'm not sure. So of course I'm self doubting, that maybe it can, and maybe this is all in my head once again. I called my doctor. She just thinks it s a virus and my Crohn's is reacting to the virus (body is under stress so my lower half starts making noises in protest). I don't like it. I also feel like I can't fully open my eyes because my head hurts so badly and being on SCD, and afraid to stray, I can't take any medication like Tylenol or anything. Obviously I will if it gets too bad, but I'm trying very hard not to. Very hard.

Is this is all I'm supposed to be doing this life? Doing laundry for seven people? Is this all my life is going to amount to?

I always end up crying on the days that I have to do more than four loads.

Tomorrow my mom goes in for surgery to remove the skin cancer. I'm praying that this takes care of it and that cancer has not spread.

My mom is a very private person, she does not want me talking about this online. I've decided that I don't care though, she needs the prayers, and I need the support. So here it is out there. She's sick and I don't know what's going to happen and I'm scared and I don't know what I'm supposed to do. The cancer is just another thing that has nothing to do with what else is wrong with her, I just pray for answers, for some sort of resolution, so she can start getting some treatment.

Happy New Year!

I am still in bed. I didn't end up getting to sleep until 4AM I kept feeling like I was going to get sick and slept with a bucket next to the bed. It's not something I'd like to repeat but since my children all have been majorly ill the last few days I know that my turn is coming and honestly, I am afriad. I hate vomiting it scares me so so so much.

That was not the point of this post, so bear with me.

The point was that this year, this 2010 year I'm trying to do several things. These really aren't in order.

• Knit a good bit of stuff for myself, which includes an actual wool hat for ME.
• Be aware of and actively pay down our debt, which means no impulse buying online (my weakness). This was actually something I did last year too and we've come a long long way from where we were which is great, but, as I know all to well it's way too easy to spend money so I want to make sure to include it again that way it's on my mind and I'll be able to keep myself in check. Hopefully I'm forming life long habits here. I'll keep my fingers crossed.
  
• Make a quilt. I've been putting this off for way too long because I'm afraid of messing it up.
• Knit socks. I just have to try, I've been knitting for nine years now and have yet to make actual people-sized socks.
• Edit my novel. I have 200 pages of raw material here and something needs to be done about it. I know that the story is good and even if I only get a 1500 word story out of what I've written that will be better than the state it is currently in.
• Keep up with this blog. This is probably the most challenging thing I've set out to do, I'm a poor blogger but I also know that it's within me to change that. I don't think I'll blog every day, or maybe not even every other day but some sort of consistency would be nice.
• Focus more on my children. I am lucky to be able to stay home with them and I can wait until they are in bed to do more involved things (like dust the living room, I don't like to dust around them anyway!).
• Pick up the living room each night so it's easier to relax after the kids go to bed. It's nearly pointless to try to have the 15-month-old clean up at night. I will try to get her to help me though. The training must start early!

I'm a poor blogger. I know I've said that before.

We're all sick with some sort of flu variant. My youngest 1st birthday party was planned for this weekend but we may have to cancel. We're still going to have a small party but I'm in no fit state to entertain.

The stocking for my eldest has been done for a bit but I haven't started the next one.



I'm super awful at "repeat" patterns and I'm so afraid I won't finish them. I don't care if I have them done for this year I just want to have them done *sometime* ideally for next year when we're (finally) in our own home.

I don't think I've mentioned that yet, we are buying a house next year. I'm putting it out in the universe, that is the plan, and we are going to do it.

So there.

I finished another book, The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society. I hated the beginning, got into it int he middle, and was let down the end. I'm glad I borrowed this instead of bought it (seems like a theme now).

I also read The Melissa Gilbert autobiography, Prairie Tale, which I loved. So it sort of evens out.