just an update

Posted by J on Thursday, January 28, 2010. Filed under: , , , ,

Every night I think it's a good idea to take my shower after all the kids are in bed and I'm tired. I can sleep in longer in the morning if I shower tonight! I say to myself and every time I do it I wake myself up, which is why I'm sitting here at nearly 12:30 in the morning writing this blog post. It's going to be a bit scattered which is a reflection of how I've been feeling lately. It's getting harder and harder to hide all though through it all I've had this deep sense of calm, I've mentioned this before, but it's really strange to me.

Normally, I'd be flipping the heck out about all the things swirling around me right now. I could list them all but the best way to put it is to say it's been a big cluster-bomb (I'd use another word there but I'm making an effort in my life not to swear anymore) of crap lately. I don't want to say that I don't care about what is going on I'm just not reacting the way I usually do. Normally, I would be curled up in the fetal position, not taking meals, not taking care of myself beyond the bear minimum, feeling nauseous, jumpy, and being generally nasty. I'm not, I'm just not, and it's making me wonder what happened that I've all the sudden I've grown up. Maybe it's my attitude (doubt it) the only thing I've changed in my life is that I've been consistently praying for the past two years, since I was a few months pregnant with Hannah. This change is recent though, and I'm going to take it as a positive thing. Maybe I'm being steeled for things to come but at the core of it, of this calm, is a deep knowledge that everything is going to be alright. I just need to get through it.

Now what I really wanted to talk about:

My swap is done and all packed up, it will be mailed out tomorrow.

The taxes are done, and will be mailed out tomorrow (all the ones I couldn’t efile, which is the local cause the hamster that runs their computers hasn't been fed yet I guess).

My baby’s diaper looked poofy but should I wake her up to change her diaper? Heck no. Never, unless there is a very very good reason wake my kids up when they are sleeping they are nasty when woken up.

So now I'm out of excuses. I guess all there is left to do, per my agreement with myself, is to re-start rewriting my story. Which makes me terribly nervous.

A few nights ago while I was trying to get to sleep something came to me and I had to write it down. Hubs caught me in bed with my notebook and pen writing by the light of my ipod. He found this strange, I said, "Baby, I do this all the time only you're usually sleeping".

* Right after I wrote this post I came across these

"I have carried you since you were born; I have taken care of you from your birth. Even when you are old, I will be the same. Even when your hair has turned gray, I will take care of you. I will sustain you and I will rescue you." Isaiah 46:3-4

He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like an eagle; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not faint. -- Isaiah 40:28-31

These have significance to me, and I wanted to include them here so I can refer back to them, although I know more will be revealed to me as needed. I take comfort in it and am grateful.

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