Posted by J on Wednesday, January 6, 2010. Filed under: ,

I'm having another one of those days trying to stay positive but it's hard, it's so so hard to try to do that.

I got sick and spent the entire day in bed yesterday, today I lazied around, did three loads of wash, and vacuumed hubby took care of dinner for the kids.

My mom got sick too. My father has not gotten the bug yet but I'm sure he'll be the next to go down although he's due to travel tomorrow for work. We'll see how that is going to go.

Hubby is wanting me to watch Battlestar Galacticia with me but I just can't get into it. Give my Star Trek TNG or Firefly but I don't know about this Galactica stuff.

Still feeling like crap hopefully I'm not coming down with something again right on the back of this one no way of knowing. I feel awful just awful and I'm sure that is not helping my melancholy..more money worries. I just feel like we're never going to have enough to do anything I want to be able to provide for our children fully and completely but right now we just can't. It shames me to admit this in "public" but I feel like I have to like God is calling me to do it to basically admit it to myself before things can change. Hubby is due for a raise, will he get it? I don't know we've been waiting and I've been praying on it and I just don't know if it's going to happen. I don't know where God is leading us right now and it scares me. I am not used to feeling like this most of the time I feel confident and secure in the fact that God has a plan for our family I'm afraid of what is coming in the next few months regardless of the raise/work issues I'm afraid more so of health issues.

This swine flu crap has me twisting in a bad way. I'm so afraid of it and more afraid of getting my kids the vaccs for it. I know that it's available and our pediatrician is sort of ambivalent about it and I've been praying about it but just haven't gotten a clear answer to my question so I've chosen to do nothing at this point. Maybe that's stupid but that's what I've chosen to do right now.

My mom has been ill (she'll kill me if she knows I've put that out there) but I can't just do this by myself. I need to talk to someone about everything that is going on and I can't find someone to do that so you're (whoever is reading) are going to have to do. I know that she's going to have some test results coming soon that could rock things around here and I'm bracing myself for it, though I don't know if I can really prepare fully.

I'm afraid and praying for strength, trying to be still and listen.

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