Ramble On

On Saturday I drove the 80 miles to see my pregnant friend. When I got there I told her I had a bad "Crohn's morning" two episodes before I left the house and I had to stop at a rest stop on the way down to her house. Other than that it was okay! I drank a ton of water and made it home okay, except that during the course of driving my hands started feeling tingling. My carpel tunnel has been bothering me a lot the past couple of weeks. I'm sure typing right now is not helping but I am wearing my wrist braces. I'm sort of shocked because I was doing so well with it, right before my major Crohn's flare back in July they were really bothering me and then they just stopped until now. So of course my mind is going there, that I'm going into a flare.
I've read a lot about the "three month set back" and I'm sort of confused by it. Three months since my last flare, three months since starting the meds, or three months since starting the diet? I have three different dates, of course they are all within a week of each other and that week would be now. My flare that landed me in hospital was July 19, Date of Diagnosis was Aug 4, I started Apriso Aug 9, and I started on the diet Aug 14, so there go you. I'm also thinking that me freaking about this time line is probably not helping either.

I think the most frustrating thing is that I just have to sit here and wait to see what happens. I have no control over it, I'm doing everything in my power to stay healthy but I have to realize that it may just not be enough and that's really hard for me to admit to myself.

I am glad though, that I did go ahead with my plans on Saturday despite how I was feeling in the morning. I could have easily just given up and went back to bed and felt sorry for myself the rest of the day. I did take some precautions, I packed extra clothes, baby wipes, and made sure I drove down on the highway in case I needed a rest stop/gas station/any manor of toilet. I had to make provisions for my condition. Luckily, with three kids, I'm used to hauling around extra clothes, food, and making sure there are rest stops available.

I did feel a deep sense of shame packing up my extra clothes though, what if I had an accident? I'm a grown woman for crying out loud. It's always in the back of my mind, a constant reminder that I have this condition and this condition needs my attention. It makes me angry, sad, and annoyed all at the same time.