Ramble On

I'm fairly certain of what my kids are going to want for xmas and now I have no idea if I should buy them now (some are on sale!) or just wait and maybe find myself having to perform a Christmas miracle on ebay. 

I hate not having a game plan.

So here's what I think are going to be super hard to find come Christmas time:

I did not work today and now I keep thinking it's Saturday! It's Wednesday.

Right?

Okay it is. I took my Middle Girlie to get her ears periced today, she sat through it. I was so proud of her. I was afraid that she'd have the first one done and then freak out and refuse to get the second one punched but she did it, then I bought her a ton of earrings (that she can't wear for 4-6 weeks...).

So did you read that up there? That I did not work today? I got a job. Well I actually had a job perviously (working at a hotel) but I quit that one pretty quick when this other one came up. I don't generally do that but this was an oppertunity I had to jump on and so I did.

I'm currently working in an office (I get to wear dress clothes!) and I write all.day.long. I write then I edit what I wrote, then I print it out, and edit it again, email it over to the next office, and then edit more, and write again.

It's freaking fantastic. It's only a temporary job but I love it and I have decided to be present enough to enjoy ever minute of it. I'm totally nerding out over all the things I get to do! Power Point Presentations!

Ahh!


Tomorrow I go in again and I'm super excited to go despite the fact that my brother, SIL, and squishy baby nephew will be here visiting while I'm off at work; but I will see them when I get home and then we will have a hot dog roast, I will feed the baby jello, and watch the dogs wrestle.

Tomorrow is going to be a fantastic day!

I had just finished painting one of the down stairs bedroom and I took an early shower. I usually do it right before bed or first thing in the morning. I was washing my hair when I started thinking about my husband and our "plans" so many things we thought we wanted. I know how "temporary" becomes permanent. I know how things tend to fall apart and then other things end up falling together. Despite all our planning, or attempts to plan, other things just crop up. Someone breaks a hand (hubeast) or a kid needs glasses (Eldest, and Middle Girlie), life just gets in the way of all of our planning but it's still fun, sometimes, to think about what we would like to be doing in the future knowing full well that these plans are little more than dreams that apear a little fuzzy around the edges in our minds. Like looking through a veil of fog.

I'm 30 now. We are not where we thought we would be now, not in any sense of the word but things are good. We (our family) is all together. We got a puppy. We are learning to deal with things as they happen and not plan ahead too much. It's hard because naturally I am a planner, maybe it's because I am the oldest child, or maybe I'm just a control freak (true on both counts) but I'm trying to let go and just enjoy the time and the moments that I have that are calm and sweet. As I've gotten older I've said that I just want a quiet, boring life, and for the most part that is true. The things that I thought were important when I was younger just aren't. We're here, we're alive, we're breathing.

My Grandmother died in May just before Mother's day. She never drove a car, heck she never even wore pants in her entire life. She always wore stockings when she went out of the house and beads. She always had a rain hat in her "pocket book" (purse) she carried tissues and would kneed them in her hands until they clung to themselves becoming pulp. She was 94 years old. She was a housewife, a mother, a grandmother, a great grandmother many times over. She died at home.

I never asked her if she was happy, we didn't talk about those things. What I did know about her was that she loved children, she knew all of our names despite the fact there was many (many) of us grandchildren. She knew all my kids' names. She always smiled and laughed, sometimes at nothing, like joy was bubbling out of her. Once, when I was a senior in high school she asked my parents to take her to Niagara Falls in Canada so she could see it. We never understood why, a woman who was afraid of water her entire life, wanted to see Niagara Falls but we went. The first night we were there she tripped and fell over a parking block in the lot of the hotel. She looked like she was beat with a bat, her eye blackened immediately but she refused to go home and we spent a week up there eating pizza in our hotel room at night and watching weddings in the park beside the falls during the day. It was one of the best vacations we ever took and I think it was the furthest from home she ever was. I have pictures of her holding each of my children when they were babies. It was important to me to have them.

She's only been gone for two months but it seems like forever and also seems like it just happened. I just wonder, you know, if she was happy or did she just not think about it. She was raised to take care of others, she dropped out of school in eighth grade because her mom got sick and she needed to stay home to take care of her younger siblings. She said she cried when she was told she couldn't go back to school but in the end she did what she needed to do. I just hope I can be that strong when it comes down to it, when it comes down to doing what I want or doing what's best for my family. It seems like now everyone is so obsessed with being fulfilled in their lives and living dreams I just wonder how she felt about all of this and I'm upset with myself that I never thought to ask her and now I'll never get that chance and I regret that.

I collect dolls. I sort of keep it myself (mostly) except for my collection of Russian nesting dolls in the living room no one really knows, unless they go into my bed room. There you would be greeted by no less than half a dozen American Girl dolls, plush animals, and any other sort of doll or dollesque thing that I happened to like at one time or another.

I'm an equal oppertunity doll hoarder.


They aren't just laying around, they are on stands and neatly placed on shelves, so don't go calling any sort of TV shows on me just yet.

So today I picked up a new doll for my collection (and of course my daughters want to know if we can share it *cough*)

Yes, she has a huge head and cotton candy in her hair and I love her! This is a La Dee Da doll,  I first spotted them while stalking the toy fair back in January. Today I came across all the available ones at Target (which is amazing because I swear our Target is the last one to get anything new). We (my daughter's and I) have plans to get the entire collection of this line and march them happily up and down the living room bookshelves, we are sure that their dad won't mind at all. Hey, the house is already covered in glitter he's already pretty much sunk.


So cute!

This past weekend was my cousins' baby shower. This is her second baby and first girl so of course my Aunt went all out with the girlie cute stuff. Everything turned out wonderfully and I think the guest of honor had a good time.

I knitted a little something something for her. She is planning on doing the baby's room in brown and pink so I took those two colors and ran with them

This is from Susan Anderson's book Itty Bitty Knits. It's actually not so itty-bitty but oh well. My favorite part is the pom pom mane, so cute! I might make another one for a Christmas gift for one of my nephews (in one year we went from having no nieces and nephews to having 4, which makes me super excited).

*squee* babies.

I also made her a diaper cake, now I've made several diaper cakes in the past couple of years but this was my favorite out of all of them I've made.


 The little ballet shoes are real leather. They were on clearance so I had to snatch them up. Shoes are so impracticable for babies, but these were so cute I had to. There are 4 bibs, 6 hair things, 5 onesies, the little shoes, baby wash, lotion, and powder in the cake. The cake itself is 62 rolled up size 1 diapers tied with curling ribbon. So fun to make!

I have a confession: I am a coward.

I deleted my blog for two months, actually it was stored in blog limbo but it was not accessible because I was afraid that people (potential employers) would google me, find out I have Crohn's, and then not interview/hire me.

I know that it's illegal, but I was still afraid it would happen.

I'm still looking for a job. I have lots of conditions (it has to be during the hours of 8 - 5 so I can drop off my kids/pick them up in time for school, has to be in the same town they are going to school in (we're doing a charter school this year, no busses) , and I'm old. I've also been told that a lot of places that I'm applying to will not look at my application because I have a bachelors degree. Ugh. I thought it was a good thing to be "educated" but apparently that translates to "wants more money then we want to pay" it's been frustrating.

I've missed blogging and decided I needed to heed my own advice and "be brave" once again.

I'm back. I've missed you!

xoxo
Jos