Ramble On

Every time I go to log into blogger I feel like I have something to say, and then I get to this screen and I just can't really put my thoughts together and I end up with an entry that's all disjointed. Now if you could crawl inside my head and see the great blog entries I compose right before I'm about to fall asleep and am too tired to get up and actually blog then you'd be impressed.

Today we saw Toy Story 3. It was okay, the kids enjoyed it and there were some funny parts but it wasn't my favorite. Granted we will still have to buy it when it comes out on DVD but I'm not anxious to watch it again.

Then after the kids were in bed we watched Avatar which we (the adults) liked fairly well. The story was predictable but what really hasn't been lately? I think the only movie that I've seen recently that has made me go "Wow..." was District 9. Now that was a good movie.

In knitting news I've restarted Eldest's xmas blanket again. I keep starting and then end up hating the pattern I'm using. So I'm on the third one, I'm still not sure of it. We'll see how it works up. If I hate it I'll frog it. I started early enough that I have the option to do that, makes me feel like I'm industrious and a good planner. Neither of these things are true, we'll see if I make it through my "to be knitted" list by Dec. <- See what I just did there? Hello negative thinking! I need to work on that.

Baby girl was in bed by 8:30, which is unheard of for her. I'd go to bed too but I'm afraid that she's going to wake up soonish. We were at the lake for a total of six hours today. I am so tired. I don't think I've been outside for that long since I was a teenager at the public pool all day every day in the summer. My poor mother, I never realized how bored she must have been. She doesn't swim, never has, so she just took us to the pool and sat there while we swam.

I do know how to swim, however, with three kids who can not swim so well yet it was pretty stressful for me. The older two kept wanting to go out deeper and deeper and the baby just wanted to play in the shallows with her watering can. I sort of stood in the middle but closer to the baby, obviously, in case I had to grab her. At 10 AM there weren't many people there so it was easier to keep an eye on them but by 4PM it was very crowded and I was having a hard time.

So I'm tired. I should knit or at least take my contacts out.

I'm so tired of feeling sick all the time. I'm tired of feeling nauseous, being tired all the time, and feeling like there is a brick in my stomach. I'm starting a food log today to try to track my symptoms. I'm pretty sure this is still a milk issue but who knows. I need to get some will power or something because for 2-3 days after eating pizza I'm just not feeling right.

I was planning on going to get some coconut milk yogurt this morning but I chose to sleep instead. I can get it later.

The baby is still in bed since big sister (aka the alarm clock) is camping with her brother and dad. I'm going down to the lake to meet up with them around 10 then Eldest has a birthday party to go to this afternoon. Maybe I'll run to town then to get the yogurt or maybe I'll just take a nap, haven't decided yet. I think the fresh air and freezing lake water will be good for me just have to remember the sunscreen.

There I've just eaten a banana and am about to drink my tea so there you go, first foods of the day. We'll see how this shapes up.

Trying to be positive and be nice is really just making me tired and grumpy. Perhaps that's more of a "tweet" than a blog post but my ipod is upstairs and I hate tweeting anyway. I just can't type on that thing.

I need to get to bed I have a ton of running around to do tomorrow and I'm due for an anxiety attack about all the driving shortly.

I've been trying to avoid things, like finishing the two novels I have in the works. I have to make writing a priority, I just have to do it and I have to stop being afraid. What is there to be afraid of at this point? That it's "not good enough" for publication? Well of course it isn't especially if it's NOT DONE. If this were someone complaining to me about this bs I would tell them just freaking finish it, just do it and shut up because my least favorite thing in the world are people who complain about things and then do nothing about it. I'm so mad that I'm one of those people.

I have been knitting (one of my favorite things to do while I'm avoiding writing)

Blanket for my youngest daughter, that's an 18in doll just so you can see how huge this blanket is:


Apple cloth. I'm not sure I'm happy with the gauge on this one. It's not blocked.


Blanket for my middle girlie, blanket is also huge. It will probably fit on her twin sized bed as a coverlet.:


These are all Christmas gifts, yeah I know, I'm early.

Blogger has been down, it's been freaking me out!

I wrote a the page poem the other night, with my eyes closed. It was awesome, the feeling of writing, not the actual poem (I haven't even re-read it yet).

I've been having a bunch of freaking strange dreams, I've started my Christmas knitting, things have completely blown up in my face (future planning), and I'm feeling okay about it now. I know that everything is going to be alright, it's just not going to go the way we had planned.

I'm blessed with three incredible kids and if given the option to "go back" and do my life over again I would not change anything that happened because I know that I would not end up with those kids and the thought of that scares the hell out of me. I love my husband, I love my children and everything else is just going to have to work itself out because I can't break down.