Ramble On

last minute finished monster for my youngest

Hand Knits ready to wrap

The Christmas spirit has not caught me until late and frankly, I'm a little sad that tomorrow it's all over because I just didn't get into this year. I don't know if it was the weather or what but this year has been very mellow for me and sort of shocking (meaning that I've been shocked on how late in the year it's become).

Lights!

Last night we went to see Christmas lights, something we started to do last year and have decided that this will be our yearly family tradition as we never really started any for ourselves. Tonight the kids and I are going to bake some sugar cookies from my husband's great grandmother's recipe. I think these might become a tradition as well, of course I had to modify the recipe to make it gluten free but it worked out super well. If I get his permission I might post it (of course it is NOT SCD legal). I found that I'm perfectly okay eating some of them (and by some I mean 2). I'm grateful for these small sense of normalcy that I have found this year but I'm still careful to not stray far from the diet.

Teacher's Gifts

Next week is finals week. My husband works at a university, he's also a grad student. This week he's finishing up all his projects for his masters' classes and next week he has to go into work early every  morning to make sure everything is going to work for the finals (he's in IT, the university does a lot of electronic testing in various labs around campus). It's going to be a stressful week!

I promise 100x over that I will have the cranberry sauce recipe uploaded as soon as I can get the card reader away from my husband (will probably be tomorrow or Sunday) he's taking the kids down to a Christmas party and I'm going to start wrapping gifts, I'm going to have to take breaks so I'm planning on typing and formating during my "down time".

I also wanted to mention that my pattern for the Lil' Hoot bag is now available on ravelry for download (it's free)!

The cranberry sauce turned out fabulously. I actually ended up making it twice since we barely had any left overs after Thanksgiving dinner. I'm working on writing up the recipe and I will post it very shortly. It's an advanced SCD recipe, meaning that you should have been the diet for a while before eating it. There is nothing illegal about it, and it's quite easy, but cranberries have a lot of little seeds and the skin of the berries might be hard to digest at first. So there's that.

My baby nephew was here over Thanksgiving and during his tummy time he spent some time on my blanket. So now I have an actual baby on my actual blanket. I'm excited. He seemed to like it, he's only 5 weeks old so he was into the black and red colors. He's a sweetheart (and I'm not at all biased). 

I've been super busy this last couple of weeks since I got some commission work for a set of Christmas stockings and several head pieces. I'm hoping to have everything shipped out by this Friday but I still have quite a bit of work to do, just odds and ends. I'm excited about having the opportunity and hopefully everyone is happy with my work!  I'm thinking about trying to get some stuff together in Octber of next year and maybe selling some already finished object via my facebook page or etsy. People don't tend to want to buy in July but as soon as mid Nov hits everyone wants something! It would be a lot easier for me if I had some stock handy. Initially I wanted to do that this year but I got really busy with other things and it went on the backburner. Of course I also talked myself out of it since I was convinced that no one would pay the price I wanted for my stockings or other items (obviously, I was wrong).

I've found it's a lot easier to just give up before you start instead of quitting I guess, because if you don't even try there is no risk of failure. It's a sad way to live, and I'm determined to not do that to myself anymore. Good things happen if you work hard and put yourself OUT THERE.

I haven't heard anything from KnitPicks about my little owl bag so if I don't hear from them by next week I'm going to go ahead and post it (for free) on here and over on Ravelry. I already made it into a PDF so it'll be super easy to download or save in your ravelry library!

I want to make sure it's out in time just in case people want to go ahead and make some gifts with the pattern, it's quick and easy and would make a great gift for an owl lover! My daughter's love it.

I'm working on another free pattern, this time something for men. They are hard to shop for and harder to knit for. I hoping to have this one done by the end of the week and ready to share on here and on ravelry.

My newest pattern is also up on KnitPicks.com It got posted last week but I was very sick so I didn't think to mention it on here. Here is Winter Child.



I'm very proud of these one! I'm still planning on three more baby blanket patterns for knitpicks (already had the designs accepted, jut working on actual sample knitting and patterns). They are going to be coming out after the hoildays, which I think will be great because these next three sort of  go together.

That's all I'm going to say about that for now. 

• I keep forgetting about using swagbucks which is really bumming me out now that I want to do Christmas shopping! I went ahead and installed the toolbar on this computer so maybe I'll remember now, there's always next year. 

• New FREE knitting pattern will be going up soon, I've made this one into a PDF download I suppose it will be easier for people to use.  It's this cute little owl purse, which will be a great super quick knitted gift!

• I can not believe tomorrow is Wedensday already! After Wendesday I pretty much consider the week over, it seems like before you can blink it's Friday night again.

• I still don't have a voice. 

• I sort of enjoy not being expected to speak.

This article from Boing Boing was shared with me on Face Book. I knew the story, I've been following Reid's progress and blog for over a year now, every since I was up late in my hospital room googling Crohn's, aka: what the hell was wrong with me. This article is amazing and I hope that it gets a lot more people on board with this diet. Yes it's hard (at first)  but it's for your health, is there a better reason to just give it a chance? Honestly, what is there to lose?

That's the point I was at 15 months ago right after my diagnosis, granted, that is not a very long time in the grand scheme of things but when I look at where I am now to where I was... I don't ever want to go back to feeling that way. My main motivation has always been caring for my children; which is why I knew I had to try everything I could to get well,  but now that I am feeling better than I ever have in my life,  I'm realizing that maybe I can have an actual life outside of this disease and outside of my role as a mother.

I think that's why I'm so excited for my knitting designs going out into the world. I created them on my own, no one helped me, no one felt badly for me because of my condition, people that are using my patterns probably don't even know that I have this disease.

I want to be an advocate for this disease, (or my combo of diseases, depression and Crohn's) but I don't want it/them to define me. I'm not sure how I would even define myself, this actually kept me up last night, I'm older now that I ever though I'd be, and now I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be doing with myself! It's a crazy feeling, and I'm not quite sure what to make of it yet.

I finished my latest design, Winter Child. I'm planning on sending out the sample just as soon as the weather clears enough for me to get some good pictures of the blanket and all the details. I'm super happy with how the blanket turned out! Knit in superwash wool, Knit Picks Swish in worsted and DK weight, it's warm and washable. Perfect for a new baby (and mama!).

crappy picture took on the floor of my hallway :-)

 I really wanted to create a gender-netural pattern and this is what I came up with. I have a winter baby myself (my eldest child was born Dec 13). Did you notice my subtle nod to Harry Potter? While I was knitting that little burgendy and gold hat I was chanting "Go Go Gryffindor" in my head. Now I really want to go read those books again.

Pattern should be up for sale (with much better photos!) within the next month. I'm completely excited, giddy, nervous, all of those things.

My children have recently become obsessed with the film My Neighbor Totoro, it's adorable and funny and just a really great film. In the movie there are these little black fuzzy blobs of dirt called the "Soot Gremlins" (I keep misspeaking and calling them Sprites, but in this translation they are Gremlins). My kids were so enthralled with these little critters they tried to be sly and started conversions with "you know...you could probably knit those..they don't look they'd be too hard" so my oldest daughter and I headed to Micheal's and picked up some black fun fur and I knitted them up. Here is the pattern that I came up with, it's super easy and quick the fun fur hides a lot of errors so don't worry if you've never worked with it before!

Materials:
Yarn: 1 skein Furry yarn in black (I used Fun Fur)
1 skein worsted weight yarn in black (I used Vanna's Choice)

Needles: size 7 US circular needles (to magic loop)

Misc: 1 pair size 9 safety eyes
small amount of poly fill for stuffing

With the two yarns held together cast on 20 stitches. Join and work in the round for 12 rows.

Cast off all your stitches.

Turn the piece inside out (the purl side of the work is usually more fuzzy, if you like he Knit side, by all means use that) attach your safety eyes. Sew up the top of the Soot gremlin. Stuff the piece and sew up the bottom.

You're done!

I.am.so.tired I had to go get a tooth drilled this morning, then I went grocery shopping. That pretty much wiped me out for the day. After my face stopped throbbing I made dinner, played with the kids (my middle girlie can now ride her bike with out her training wheels!). It was so cold here today that I actually wore my wool jacket out this afternoon to watch them play. Oy. I am not ready for winter yet.

Tomorrow I'm taking my mom shopping and we are taking the kids out to lunch before they start back to school next week.

I'm not ready for that yet either, but it will come. I've adopted that as my new policy. Before I would get all stressed out about events that were going to take place, now (and I'm sure my meds have something to do with it) I'm a heck of a lot calming and am trying to take things as they come, even if I'm not looking forward to them. They are going to happen away, and I'm going to move through it. Like getting my tooth drilled (ugh) I showed up, I survived, I moved through it, no reason to work myself up, make myself feel sick, and have to put things off.

On the knitting front, I am about half way done with my newest design sample and will hopefully be able to spend a lot of time with it over the weekend. I'm also still working on Christmas gifts and attempting to plan a birthday party for my youngest who will be 3 next month.

I'm sort of busy.

This past weekend we traveled back to my home town to attend a birthday party for my friend's little girl (she turned 4!) and we stopped by to see my other friend's 8 month old daughter. We went out to dinner as well, and I didn't get sick. Huzzah!

I'm so excited to report that I ate at Perkins, had the make-your-own omelet (with mushrooms, spinach, and tomatoes) and fruit as a side. It wasn't the best omelet I've ever had but it was filling, and as I said before, I did not get sick.

Do I plan to keep doing this? After not eating out for over year all of the sudden I've eaten out three times in the past two weeks! No I don't plan on continuing to do this. 1) we just can't afford it lol and 2) it still makes me nervous. I did promise the kids that I would take them out for lunch before they go back to school, but we'll see.

In Knitting news, I finished my Daughter's birthday unicorn


I know that's very exciting, but I love to knit and if I don't share it with the blog world then I really don't have anyone else to talk to about it. Sorry ya'll!

This past week was all about the Baby Shower. I threw my SIL a baby shower on the 16th and pretty much every waking moment from Thursday of last week until Monday was spent planning the shower, shopping for the shower, crafting for the shower, hosting the shower, and then cleaning up after the shower.

It was a heck of a lot of work but I think she enjoyed herself! Hopefully everyone else did too, but in the end it's all about the baby right?

It was a mustache bash, super fun theme.

We ordered the cake from the local grocery store, we just got it done with the writing, I added the ducks which I mustached with sharpies.


Me, wearing my mustache. We tried to take pics of all the guest wearing their 'staches.


My SIL surrounded by my girls as she's opening her gifts.


I'm still tired! I still love planning parties but it really takes a lot of me now. I don't know if it's because I'm "old" now or it's the heat, or just the fact that my Crohn's has been simmering (more about that later).

Of course I knitted for the shower.


This is a little kimono sweater, pattern from Sweet Mama, Small Sugar. Love her patterns!


This one is my creation, a baby Janye hat knitted in sport weight sock yarn on size 3 needles. I'm planning on making the pattern available soon (free!).

I'm going to post a few more pics of the shower at a later time, after I've recovered! I have a GI appointment on Thursday, which is making me a little nervous, but I'm sure it'll be fine. I'll update on that after it happens of course!

Today my mom was very off, she hadn't been out of bed in two days. I was trying to convince her to let me take her to the ER but she refused. She did make an appointment for later in the day (I wanted to take her to the ER around 10:30 AM, she got an appointment for 3PM), which is good, at least she was admitting that she needed some help. She's very stubborn and it doesn't help that she's a nurse too, I think those in the medical field are some of the very worst patients when it comes down to it.

While I was arguing with her to go to the ER my stomach was making these very loud groaning noises. I told her she was making my Crohn's angry, she laughed, that was good. I got her a cup of crushed ice and she ate three spoonfuls, then she slept for a bit.

Around 2PM I went back to check on her and she was in the bathroom sitting on a chair attempting to blow dry her hair. I have no idea how she managed to get her hair washed but after two days in bed I'm not sure if I could have hung over the sink and washed my hair, but she's very concerned about her hair so I sort of knew she would make an effort to do something with it.

While I was standing there watching her blow drying I noticed how thin her hair has become it's especially noticeable when it's wet when the hair sticks to itself in clumps. As I stood there looking at her and thinking about all of this I felt nauseous. I don't think it was the thought of her being bald but because if she was she'd be obviously sick, right now she can sort of hide it. She hasn't driven in two years, but she's got a disabled parking permit and sometimes we get dirty looks when we use it because the only thing people can actually see is a slight limp.

I'm feeling really disconnected from my mom lately. She's so sick, and I hate seeing her like this. I think it's hard for her too, having to rely on other people when in the past she took care of everyone else, as a wife, a mother, and a nurse. It must be so hard for her attempting to adjust to this new life. It makes me so sad for her. It makes me sad for me too because I've lost that person that I use to know and I feel like I'm finally mourning for her and trying to get to know this new person who is inhabiting my mother's body.



It's sounds crazy but knitting this was like a prayer, I'm not really sure how to explain it, but it was meditative. It helped that the pattern was created for a woman who had lost a child and I think that sentiment stayed with me throughout the knitting process. It was a comfort to feel the yarn moving through my fingers creating this cloth out of string, it's amazing to watch and to be a part of. I felt like my mourning for my old relationship with my mother began with knitting this shawl I touched on some emotions that I had been denying myself for a while and it was very cleansing for me. I have plans to knit two more, one for my mom and one for my Aunt, who I've grown close to over the past month.

I feel like healthy to try to be productive through all of this. Maybe I could just curl up and cry like I would have in the past but I can't now. I have to move through this I know that I've been given these challenges for a reason and I have to be here and present to feel these things that I've been avoiding for so long.

So if I have to cope with knitting needles in hand, so be it, there are far worse things I could be doing.


pattern is Far Away so Close by Sweet Mama, Small Sugar.

I've been working on this huge knitting project (for me) okay it's not that big (as in size) but I'm excited about it anyway! I'm sending out my sample tomorrow as soon as I get up the courage to do so, and doing a final edit on my pattern tonight. I'm going to be listing it for sale on rav and hopefully another source soon.

The blanket, in my opinion, is adorable. Hopefully others will think so too!


ETA: as of 07/05/11 the pattern is available for sale!

It snowed today and I finished this. I thought it was fitting to photograph it draped over and ice covered cherry tree. My 3rd shawl for 2011 (of 11).

I think I need a vacation. Yep. Somewhere warm.

I made a decision that I would be limiting my computer time to only a few hours a day (as opposed to several hours all spread out through the day) including my ipod use. That one was pretty easy, I just left it upstairs, the fact that we have a lot of other computers around the house made avoiding sitting down at one pretty hard; especially when my daughters were watching Strawberry Short Cake this afternoon while my 9-year-old was playing on his laptop, but I did it and I'm comfortable with how much time I spent today. I'm planning on knitting tonight while watching American Idol on my Citron shawl (which I had to rip out and start over again). I got through the fist section of the pattern pretty quickly. I'm hoping to finish the second section tonight during my TV time (Idol, Top Chef).

I finished this up yesterday for a baby shower gift that needs to be shipped out ASAP.


I need to find some wrapping paper though, and a card, and figure out something to write.

That piece I was talking about not wanting to write? I'm writing it. In pieces. I'm going to share it when it's done.

On Thursday I started a new supplement, L Glutamine. Yesterday I felt sick (just regular sick not Crohn's sick, thank God!) and had a low grade fever, today I have a sore through and a runny nose but no fever to speak of. I'm pretty sure this is just a coldish/fluish thing that's been going around and nothing related to the supplement so I'm going to keep using it and see what happens. It took me an awful long time to get sick and I know getting better is going to happen in phases but I get so frustrated whenever I feel funny thinking that I'm going to go into a flare, that something is going to trigger this awfulness again. I've read the research, and 80 - 90% of people with Crohn's do have a relapse this does not take into account any sort of medication or dietary changes they've made and I generally do not trust statistics especially from drug companies, but it what it is. I have a cousin with Crohn's that I believe has tried every sort of medical treatment offered and he's still having major issues, in short, nothing is working for him. He has not tried any sort of dietary adjustments though.

I don't like giving people advice when I'm not asked for it, just like I do not like people giving me advice when it's not warranted. We're stubborn people, my family, and it's just the way it is. I've had other family members say to me, "Why don't you just eat whatever you want and just carry toilet paper", I'm sure that was supposed to be a joke but it really made me angry. Why would I change my diet to the point of alienation at family picnics and functions if it wasn't making a difference in how I was feeling? And for the record I brought things along that I could eat to share with my family, so I was eating at the picnic, not just sitting off in a corner with my arms crossed muttering.

So right now I'm taking Apriso - 4 caplets daily, pro-biotic x 1 daily, vit D drops 4000iu daily, L Glutamine 1/4 tsp daily, Multivitamin x 1 daily, as well as my birth control pill which I'm debating going off. No, I'm not trying to get pregnant but I'm wondering how I'll feel if I don't take it.

I'm feeling positive about my progress so far so we'll see what happens as I continue on this course. Monday is valentine's day and thus we have started the season of candy-gift-giving. I'm not sure what's going to happen around Easter time but I was strong through the Christmas season (so.many.cookies) so I'm sure I'm going to be okay. This year, I'm planning on making myself an Easter basket full of yarn.

I'm so thankful for my knitting especially at this time in my life. I've recently become obsessed with knitting monsters, they are quick, and my kids adore them. This one is for my Eldest child for Valentine's Day. I can hardly wait until Monday to give them their gifts.

Greta for Baby Girl

I decided to make my kids things this year for occasions when I'd normally go buy them a gift in an effort to quit buying them stuff just for the sake of buying stuff and to reduce my stash (even though I bought new yarn for these projects, just sayin'). Last year for Valentine's day I got my kids build-a-bears all in outfits and accessories (hello $$ x 3). I already got them each a small box of candy and gift bags (Target dollar section). I think it will end up being a cute gift, especially since they are still at the age where it's cool for their mama to make them stuff!

Penelope for Middle Girlie

Find me on Ravelry!

I'm taking the weekend off from posting new recipes but I'll be back to that on Monday with something I'm really excited about: Cinnamon Ginger Waffles with Vanilla Peach Honey Topping. It's gluten free, nut free, and of course, SCD legal. Yum. I'm getting hungry thinking about them.

Now I'm going to bore you with some knitting. That's me and my cheese face with the scarf I knitted for my Mama. I sort of wanted to keep it for myself but since she bought the yarn specifically for me to make her this scarf, well I sorta have to give it to her. Very simple pattern. Cast on 30 stitches on size 8 needles and knit in K2 P2 ribbing switching colors every two rows, until it's long enough, cast off.

Have a great rest of the weekend!

I don’t like making these mostly because if it’s something really important to me I should just want to do it anyway not because I’m self-imposing crap on to myself, with no real consequences, in the spirit of celebrating a new year. So these aren’t resolutions per say. This is stuff I’m doing, stuff I’m trying to do, and stuff I hope to make a habit of.

Things I’ve started to do recently:

1. Floss consistently, ever single day. Oh Lord the stories I’ve read about people with Crohn’s and their nasty teeth.
2. Pray at least once a day. I pray a lot through out the day but especially at night, this really helps me get to sleep.

Things I need to start doing:

1. Spend less time online. I’m connected all the time now. I’ve got an Ipod that I pretty much carry around with me all day (use it for alarms) that I can check facebook and email on, which I do way too much. I will allow myself the ipod, however, I am on my laptop way to much. Most of the time I’m sitting on my laptop, with my ipod beside me, and the TV is on. What the heck?!
2. Knit the yarn I’ve already bought instead of just buying more ‘cause it’s pretty. That’s self explanatory I think.
3. Be more willing to screw up aka take chances. With my knitting, with my writing. I need to just do it. I’m wasting too much time.