Ramble On

The days have been going by so fast! At least it seems like that. Right now I'm stealing a minute to write while my 2-year-old is in the tub. Yes I'm in the bathroom with her, she's playing in the water and I'm sitting on the toilet lid with the lap top. It's all about multi-tasking when you're a mama!

Hubby turned 33 on the 29. I baked him a gluten free apricot cake with white chocolate butter cream icing. No, I did not eat it, but it smelled fantastic and he said it was very good. That's all that matters.

On Saturday we went mini golfing as a family (hubs, myself, and our three kids). Mini golf is not a 2-year-olds game. She'd hit the ball once and then pick it up and drop it in the hole, actually she went around the green and picked up everyone's ball and dropped them in the hole. It was very cute, well had a good time, even though I was freaking out (inside) because the only toilets there were port-a-potties but I didn't need to go. Then...we went out to eat at Eat n' Park. Yes this was the first time I was out to eat in over a year. We chose to go there because the kids like the food and they have a dedicated gluten free menu. I got char broiled chicken and the salad bar as my side. They had a bunch of fresh fruit available so I had cantaloupe, honey dew melon, and grapes. I also had a salad with mixed greens, hard boiled eggs, green & red peppers, cherry tomatoes, and mushrooms. It was very good. I ate way too much but I did not get sick!

I was very nervous at the restaurant and I think I freaked the waiter out a little when he came to ask if I wanted another side with my meal. I said no, but he said he had to put one in, was applesauce okay. I said "No, I can't eat that...I have Crohn's disease and this is the first time I've been out to eat in over a year and I'm freaking out!" My son said, "yeah bring it, I'll eat it" the waiter slowly backed away. Hubby thought it was hilarious.


Then we went to Target and walked around, bought the kids some books and headed home. It was really nice hanging out as a family like that. Those times are very few and far between because we're just so busy. Tomorrow middle girl goes to day camp for the next two weeks and then hubby starts another semester in grad school, then the kids go back to school. This summer is nearly over, the time has really gone by so fast.

I finished this on my b-day. It's being put away until Christmas for my son. Yes I've started my Christmas knitting! I'm hoping to have it all done by October and then I'm going to start on the five stockings that I promised my mother I'd make for her, my father, my brother, SIL, and their new baby (due in Oct!) name TBA.

I'm so happy with this little monkey. I'm planning on making at least three more, one for each kid (my three + my new nephew!)

I made it! I'm 29! Well I was as of Saturday. I baked an Orange Cream cake on Friday night after it cooled off. It was 111 on Friday while hubs was driving home from work. I kids and I spent the day inside blissfully unaware of the temps.

On Saturday my dad invited us bowling, I actually won a game. This was the first time I've bowled since I was in high school, up until now my wrists always hurt I couldn't even pick up a bowling ball. Just to be safe I used some of the lightest balls but I was fine and I bowled several strikes, which surprised me to no end!

After bowling my husband made dinner, steaks on the grill, mushrooms, watermelon, strawberries and my cake for dessert. He also did the dishes. It was a wonderful day.

I kept thinking about how far I've come from last year when I was still in shock over my hospitalization and awaiting a diagnosis. I really believe that getting that diagnosis saved my life (more about this later). Looking back over the last year I am truly blessed in my life and so thankful for all the support not only from my family but everyone on the web in the alternative medicine community that provides support for these diets that really do heal people.

This past week was all about the Baby Shower. I threw my SIL a baby shower on the 16th and pretty much every waking moment from Thursday of last week until Monday was spent planning the shower, shopping for the shower, crafting for the shower, hosting the shower, and then cleaning up after the shower.

It was a heck of a lot of work but I think she enjoyed herself! Hopefully everyone else did too, but in the end it's all about the baby right?

It was a mustache bash, super fun theme.

We ordered the cake from the local grocery store, we just got it done with the writing, I added the ducks which I mustached with sharpies.


Me, wearing my mustache. We tried to take pics of all the guest wearing their 'staches.


My SIL surrounded by my girls as she's opening her gifts.


I'm still tired! I still love planning parties but it really takes a lot of me now. I don't know if it's because I'm "old" now or it's the heat, or just the fact that my Crohn's has been simmering (more about that later).

Of course I knitted for the shower.


This is a little kimono sweater, pattern from Sweet Mama, Small Sugar. Love her patterns!


This one is my creation, a baby Janye hat knitted in sport weight sock yarn on size 3 needles. I'm planning on making the pattern available soon (free!).

I'm going to post a few more pics of the shower at a later time, after I've recovered! I have a GI appointment on Thursday, which is making me a little nervous, but I'm sure it'll be fine. I'll update on that after it happens of course!

Today my mom was very off, she hadn't been out of bed in two days. I was trying to convince her to let me take her to the ER but she refused. She did make an appointment for later in the day (I wanted to take her to the ER around 10:30 AM, she got an appointment for 3PM), which is good, at least she was admitting that she needed some help. She's very stubborn and it doesn't help that she's a nurse too, I think those in the medical field are some of the very worst patients when it comes down to it.

While I was arguing with her to go to the ER my stomach was making these very loud groaning noises. I told her she was making my Crohn's angry, she laughed, that was good. I got her a cup of crushed ice and she ate three spoonfuls, then she slept for a bit.

Around 2PM I went back to check on her and she was in the bathroom sitting on a chair attempting to blow dry her hair. I have no idea how she managed to get her hair washed but after two days in bed I'm not sure if I could have hung over the sink and washed my hair, but she's very concerned about her hair so I sort of knew she would make an effort to do something with it.

While I was standing there watching her blow drying I noticed how thin her hair has become it's especially noticeable when it's wet when the hair sticks to itself in clumps. As I stood there looking at her and thinking about all of this I felt nauseous. I don't think it was the thought of her being bald but because if she was she'd be obviously sick, right now she can sort of hide it. She hasn't driven in two years, but she's got a disabled parking permit and sometimes we get dirty looks when we use it because the only thing people can actually see is a slight limp.

I'm feeling really disconnected from my mom lately. She's so sick, and I hate seeing her like this. I think it's hard for her too, having to rely on other people when in the past she took care of everyone else, as a wife, a mother, and a nurse. It must be so hard for her attempting to adjust to this new life. It makes me so sad for her. It makes me sad for me too because I've lost that person that I use to know and I feel like I'm finally mourning for her and trying to get to know this new person who is inhabiting my mother's body.



It's sounds crazy but knitting this was like a prayer, I'm not really sure how to explain it, but it was meditative. It helped that the pattern was created for a woman who had lost a child and I think that sentiment stayed with me throughout the knitting process. It was a comfort to feel the yarn moving through my fingers creating this cloth out of string, it's amazing to watch and to be a part of. I felt like my mourning for my old relationship with my mother began with knitting this shawl I touched on some emotions that I had been denying myself for a while and it was very cleansing for me. I have plans to knit two more, one for my mom and one for my Aunt, who I've grown close to over the past month.

I feel like healthy to try to be productive through all of this. Maybe I could just curl up and cry like I would have in the past but I can't now. I have to move through this I know that I've been given these challenges for a reason and I have to be here and present to feel these things that I've been avoiding for so long.

So if I have to cope with knitting needles in hand, so be it, there are far worse things I could be doing.


pattern is Far Away so Close by Sweet Mama, Small Sugar.

yes that is Kermit on my shirt

This year has been crazy, and I'm not talking about 2011 in general but this past year from July '10 - July '11. This month marks my one year diagnosis with Crohn's. I feel a lot better, in fact better than I have in years. I hope this continues and I really feel like I have myself to thank for this (so much for being humble) and God of course, who give me the strength to do this. I pray every night for the resolve to stick to my diet to be healthy, and to be a good mama for my children.

So that sort of sounded like an awards speech, which is not what I was intending. I'm just grateful, so very grateful for the chance to feel good, and like a normal person, to not be walking around in pain every day and so very grumpy. I love my life, my kids, my husband and I hope that there are good things to come for me and my family in the future.

I'm trying to put myself out there now that my health is stabilized and I feel like I can make it a priority. My sample got mailed off to the publisher, which was a huge step for me, fear has held me back all my life and I can't let it do that any more. I don't want my children to grow up thinking that it's okay to just give up on what they want because it's scary or it gets hard. That's not what life is about and I'm just learning this now! I hope that I can be a good example for them, it's taken me long enough to get here.