Ramble On

I'm in bed wearing my flannel pjs and socks covered by a flannel sheet, down comforter, and a quilt freezing.

I should go to sleep but I'm just not ready yet something is keeping my awake I'm excited and a little jumpy. I feel like I need to do something not litterally something right now but something with my life. I realized a few days ago that I'm almost 30. Really, almost 30. I almost fell over.

I feel a deep and burning shame about my life right now, our living situation, the way I manage our money, how I parent my children. I need to change things, I need to change several things. I'm taking full responsibility here because it is mine to bear. I put it to God this afternoon to help me to show me what I need to do because I can't keep living this way anymore and I feel like he's answering me. I feel God working in my life in a big way and I'm excited about it, giddy, almost is the word I would use to describe it.

Watching Julie & Julia I was struck by Julie's character talking about needing a deadline because she "never finishes anything" and I was gobsmacked because I am the same exact way.

I watched the movie four times in a row. I loved it. I loved the chracter of Julie Powell so naturally I took it upon myself to look up her orginal blog and oh my I was so dissapointed. The overuse of profanity really threw me off. Now...do I swear? Of course I do (though it is something I am working on). It completely distracts me to read it and that was my entire problem I had with the blog. The swearing was too much and I quickly moved on. I will stick with the movie.

Although now I really do want to read Julia Child's My Life In France now. I downloaded the sample chapters via the kindle app on my ipod and just fell in love with her voice. It's very good, I just wish I could find a hard-copy that didn't have pictures from the movie in it. I would just download it but I think my mom would like to read it too and I don't think she's going to be squinting at my ipod to do so.

I know what I'm going to buy myself for my birthday (in July!) this year.

Because I so want to learn how to crochet and since this kit is geared towards children I most likely will be able to understand the instructions.

I just don't get why after several years of trying I just can't do it.

Admittedly the only reason I really want to learn it to make this shawl which I've been coventing for as long as I've been married.

And yes I plan on giving the little suitcase to the children, which one? No idea, I'm sure that will cause an issue.

Before felting, yes that is a 2 liter bottle of soda on the floor beside it. It. was. huge. I was so worried about it not felting down to where I wanted it.



and after



Success!!

I then went ahead and lined it and added a zipper! A zipper! Can you believe it? I still sort of can't. Sometime I will go ahead and steal it back from her and take photos of the lining and the zipper. Mom only likes purses that have a "flat bottom" and be able to sit on it's own so I went ahead and googled and googled some more until I finally came across this tutorial which I bookmarked and came back to several times throughout my process. The idea of using fun foam to line the bottom was genius and since i had several pieces of that laying around would out super well for me.

I literally finished sewing the lining in on Christmas Eve which is totally not my MO but I was so so scared to do it I just kept putting it off. That was silly and I don't intend on doing that again. Last minute things stress me out.

She had no idea that I had made it at all and was super impressed and that gave me warm fuzzies. <3 This was the only gift I knitted this Christmas (besides the stockings which weren't really gifts per-say).

Time has gotten away from me. I look at the stats and it says I haven't blogged since Dec 8. Dec 8! That seems so long ago. Really, i know it isn't but December always seems like such a long month to me.

It's so quiet here. The kids are visiting their father's family. I'm home sick and though I'm appreciating the quiet so I can rest I miss them and they've only been gone since 10AM!


Christmas went well. The kids enjoyed their gifts (as far as I could tell) and I managed to finish all the stockings they didn't rip after they were filled either which was my husband concern (I wish I knew if he were kidding or not when he said that...) and I managed to finish my mother's felted bag, even line it, the linining included three pocks, and the whole thing closes with a zipper! I'm so impessed with myself.



More later. Maybe. If I'm up to it.

I think I just did this yesterday, but not really officially. Once a month I will do an update on how I'm doing at ehow.com.

I currently have 5 articles published, 2 pending publication and have 110 views. Total earrings: 63 cents.

Hey, it's better than nothings. Three people "friended" me so I friended them back on there, networking.

I'm still pretty new at this and still trying to figure out how the site actually works.

It always seems like I'm making plans and while I'm busy doing that..well you know how it goes. Make plan then be prepared for it not to work out or something.

Anyway, now that NanoWrimo is done is full speed ahead to Christmas! I would be thrilled if I had everything ready for it. No I still need to do what the rest of the mama's of the world need to do. Wrap gift, bake, and decorate. We just decorated the tree tonight and I think I'm done Christmas shopping though it always seems like when I throw up my arms and declare "I'm DONE" I always think of another person I need to shop for and right now is no exception. Dang, I just thought of two people while I was writing this. I swear I would be lost without my google docs list that I've been updating since October I believe. It's going to be so strange to start a Christmas '10 list in a couple of months. Wow. 2010. That's insane.

I guess I should be thinking about my New Years Resolutions while I'm knitting/sewing/baking away trying to meet the xmas deadlines but I'm sort of over that whole thing. I just see it as setting myself up for failure in that department cause I never ever have kept any of my resolutions I prefer the 101 list because that's something i can do just do and check off a list of events as it were it makes it much more palatable to me.

I'm still writing for ehow and I've made a total of 0.64, I've published 5 articles. I just can't think of anything to write about half the time! I keep reading on other blogs that some people (apparently everyone else) post 3 articles a day! How do they think of what to actually write an article about? Whenever I think of one I get ridicules proud of myself for all of an hour when I realize that I'm going to have to write another and soon because I'm never going to make any good money off of this when I don't have a fresh idea in my head to save my life! It's frustrating to be me, but, I'm going to keep at it. 64 cents is better than what I was currently making, which was nothing (I actually contend that I make negative money since all I seem to do is spend it, mostly on diapers).