Ramble On

I had intentions of making a checkerboard cake for my 5-year-olds bday party tomorrow. I've made this cake before, several times actually, and it always turned out..well not this time. I don't know if it was the type of cakes I made or what but it was just not working out, at all. So I called it a day and sent hubs and daughter to DQ to pick out a cake for her party. I'm over stressing about things like birthday cake!

Today is pay day, the best day of the month (yes we only get paid once a month). So I have to pay bills, and I have an article due tonight. I have no idea if that's going to get done. We are also having a hot dog roast tonight because it's nearly 70 degrees and sent I spent the whole day baking three cakes that didn't work I didn't take the time to plan anything for dinner. I guess it's just been one of "those days" but maybe the new body spray (stress relief) from B&BW is working out because I surprised myself by not freaking out over it. Good for me!

I tried a new shampoo today, Suave naturals, because, I had heard that using a "sulfate free" shampoo was good for your hair. Initially, I was going to bite the bullet and try some Wen but I was reading on a message board (because Lord knows I can not buy something with out looking for reviews first) that someone got the same result with the Suave. Now, my hair is super fine and I'm not sure it liked not having it's sulfates because it's really limp. Oh it's nice and soft, but just blah. We'll see how the rest of the week goes. I don't wash my hair every day (more like every other). The shampoo and conditioner was a total of a 2.98 investment so if I hate it I'll just use it for my kids. It smells like apples, they'll enjoy it.

I started my jean quilt today (something that's been on my "to do list" for a really long time)...well yesterday really. I started cutting the pieces out and it too forever because I didn't really know what I was doing. Today was much better, I got through the rest of the jeans and counted my squares: 84. Way too many! I have a whole stack left over, which I'm pretty happy about because I am not planning some pot holders, or pillow covers, or something.

Anyway. The quilt. I laid it all out, fussed with it a bit, and it looks okay to me. So now I gotta pin it together and sew it. That's the part I'm afraid of. I'm hoping to have the top done by the end of the week and maybe next week I can do the backing, binding, and actual quilting. I still don't really know what I'm doing but I'm happy to be doing something.

My first article for Demand Studios got rejected, but the editor was really nice about it and told me not to get discouraged; so we'll see what happens with the next one that is being edited right now.

I submitted my first article at demand studios, we'll see how that goes. I'm not even sure I want to write for them yet I'm considering this one a test and am willing to abandon it completely if I'm not comfortable with it. It would be nice though, to get paid for something!

I haven't worked on my novels for a while. I'm letting it simmer, or at least that's what I'm telling myself at this point. The stress that was really slamming me in the family arena is finally calming down and I'm feeling much better so I'm sure I'll get the urge to work on them again soon. There are a lot of opportunities coming up and hopefully I'll be in a place to take advantage of them.

Wow that was cryptic! How fun for you to read that.

Blogging from my iPod!!

is really only 79 goals, several of which I don't think I'll ever be able to get done. Oh I'm in one of those moods. I should just go to bed because this is only gonna get worse as the night goes on.

Here's my list so far.

if I don't turn off my laptop, not just shut it and put it down, I'm on it for the whole entire day. I try to wait until the baby is taking her nap (or watching Blue's Clues) before I get online during the day but it's so.dang.hard when all this social networking is calling to me. The worst is my ipod, i carrying around that thing all day long checking my email and facebook obsessively. Right now I'm blogging while making dinner. I have 10 minutes.

I'm currently reading this book. I'm not sure if i like it yet. I downloaded the sample pages on my ipod (again with the ipod!) just after Christmas and loved it but now that I have the full thing in front of me, I don't know if I'm into it. Either than or I was distracted by "Spartacus Blood and Sand" that my husband was watching at the time.

I bought these for the girls (they aren't here yet) because I'm obsessed with the company, Cloud B, and it might actually make them sleep through the night.

The kids still love their Cloud B night lights (Eldest has the sea turtle, and the girls have the lady bug). They are spendy, or I would buy them for every kid I know for xmas. Of course, I don't actually give gifts with any kids other than my own (my kids have no cousins). Someone needs to have some babies.


Since this post is turning into "crap I've bought" here's something I want (so so bad) but don't have an actual use for. Maybe for my brithday when it's okay to buy yourself crap you don't need! Yes it's a bean pot, by Paula Deen. I've always loved Paula and this thing is just so pretty. I have no idea if I would make beans it or whey it's even called a "bean pot" but I like the colors!

By the way, it's snowing here. Yuck.

Recently there’s been some drama. I hate drama. I guess talking about it on my blog feeds into it and I take responsibility for that but people don’t get it: I don’t get a break. Someday (hopefully soon) I will have normal responsibilities with my little family. Until then there is always something I’m supposed to be doing. I’m not saying that I don’t get lazy (because cause Lord knows that I do) but there’s always something pressing to attend to. I used to be a good mom, I really thought so. I used to be able to keep up with my housework and my meal planning/shopping/chores but now…now there is just so much. I have three children and a mother who needs my attention and even on weekends when my husband takes the kids to visit his family I usually have to stay home to do something pressing around the house like paint or clean or do seventy five loads of laundry.

I hope that things turn around soon. I have this deep feeling of calm I really believe that things are going to change and I believe that the change is going to happen very quickly.

** And yes, my title is the Beck lyric from the song "Loser".

My father told me eight years ago that he was worried about my having a child and going to college at the same time. He said that, "usually you can't do more than one thing at a time". Sometimes, I think he was right. I can't even keep up with a blog.

I don't even want to go on to think about what all this entails. My father and I have a complicated relationship. I hate to think that he was right about me. I did finish college, I did really well, and my son, my oldest child did not suffer for it. I wonder though, if I did it despite him? Has everything I've done in my life to prove something to my father? How messed up is that? It literally makes me sick.

My middle girlie is turning 5 in a couple of weeks and this is the cake that I'm going to attempt to make for her family birthday party. Every year we have two birthday parties for our children. On their actual birthday we always have a speical dinner of their choice and we give them their gifts from mama and daddy. Then later on we have a party for their friends. I'm going to try to make this cake for our family party and I don't know waht I'm going to do for the friend-party (which is going to be at the bowling alley this year) so that means I'll have to actually transport the cake and I don't know how that is going to go. We'll see how well the first one turns out and if I want to even try to make it again.