Ramble On

Ya'll know they are archiving Felicity right?
If you don't know already, I collect dolls. Any sort of doll that I like I add that to my collection. It's not just one brand or type or height. I'm an equal oppertunity doll lover.

I started my collection with an Ameirican Girl doll (Samantha, who was archived two years ago now). I got her when I was 7. I loved going through the American Girl catalogs and looking at all the (freaking expensive) lovely things for the dolls. Felicity was one of the ones I really like due ot her fancy dresses. My favorite thing about American Girl though, was the fact that each character had a story. They each had a series of books. Now I say "had" because it does seem like the company is turning away from the historicals in favor of  "Just Like Me" dolls and an online world gaming community, which makes me sad.

So if anyone is interested in Felicity, you better go get your stuff now because if Kirsten's archival a few months ago is any indication, things are not going to last long.

I made peanut butter brownies today, and they smell awesome. I'm only going to eat one though cause I don't know what sort of reaction I'm going to have to it. (Ate two...they were small! - They are so freaking good!)












Super easy let me give you the recipe:

1 cup peanut butter (all natural peanut butter, ingredients should say: peanuts and salt)
1/2 honey
1 egg
1/2 tsp baking soda

Mix everything together put it into a greased 8in pan (i used a little olive oil to grease). Bake at 350 for 30 minutes. Yum yum yum.

via pottery barn teen

... with the color of the furniture.

I really like to take showers. I like the smell of soap, I like the feel of hot water on my back. I like bath poufs and sweet smelling body wash. My favorite soap is dove. Just the plain white bar of dove. I don't really like wash cloths though, they don't lather well enough, oh I'll use them on my face, feet, and other delicate areas, but in general, I prefer a pouf. So usually I stick to using body wash, and I only used the dove bar soap on a wash cloth occasionally.

Yesterday, I had an epiphany. Why not rub the bar soap onto the pouf? Would it work?

Let me tell you something: It Does! I'm either a genius or a major idiot for not realizing this sooner. I'm pumped about this. Sorry Bath and Body Works, you are now relegated to bubble baths only. I'm showering with dove.

I'm currently sitting in my chair, between monitoring the temp of my yogurt that is currently being made, I'm watching QVC's Christmas in Aug programing. I need some escapism (again) today. I just haven't been feeling well and really just going through the motions. I went outside today, just to get the mail, and it was freezing outside. I wouldn't have been surprised if it would have started snowing. I know that the weather is coming sooner rather than later, and I'm not looking forward to that at all.

Reading this made me cry. I never wanted that to be about me. My husband's friend is getting married in October and we RSVP'd earlier this week. I'm already stressed out about how/what I'm going to do at the reception. I told him that on the day of the wedding if I decide I don't want to go, I hope he wouldn't be mad at me. He said he won't be, but I know he's frustrated with the situation.

I don't want this blog to turn into a whiny cry fest, it's just where I'm at right now and I apologize for that. I don't want to be like this, I'm going to try not to be.

I used to have a pet turtle. My mom let him go in the yard.



This is my turtle pillow, which is filled with lavender. I leave him on my normal bed pillow during the day to transfer the scent. It seems to help, and I like turtles. So it's a win win. It also helped that it was only 8 bucks with free shipping via prime. All the other options are more $$ so this one really made sense to me. Like it was calling me (to spend more money!). All that aside, I like it.

Today was a not a good day. It rained all day, my husband was in a car accident (he's fine), I got a bill from the hospital, and my friend's kitten passed away. I'm in no state of mind to talk about it really, so instead I'm going to do some window shopping.
 

Tea Pot Lamp

This lamp is a.dor.a.ble.   It's from land of nod, and if I had anywhere to put it where I knew some little girl wouldn't try to use it for an actual teapot, I'd get it in a heart beat. It's pink! and not that obnoxious super girlie pink but more of a rose. Love.

Circle Quilt

 I've been wanting this quilt for a while. Now I have no where to put it, at all (maybe over the back of my couch??) but I love it. I love the colors, I love the composition. It makes me happy.

Baby Girl's birthday is in a month. I have no idea what to get her. What do 2-year-olds like?

I was thinking about getting her one of these things



which she would either LOVE or be terrified of. So I'm thinking that maybe if I can find one at a store she could check out in person and see how it goes. I don't want to spring it on her on her actual birthday.

Here's another option



cause we're pushing the potty training. However, she doesn't really watch Elmo. She likes Elmo (stuffed toys) but I'm not sure if she'd 1) watch it or 2) care.

I think the main problem I'm having is that she's just got so much stuff! She's gotten all the hand-me-downs from her two older siblings. We've probably got at least one of everything fisher price has ever manufactured. On top of that, my three kids are the only grandchildren on both sides of the family.

My medicine, Apriso, which I will need to be on foreva is going to be 135 dollars per go. However, I got a discount card (also called a copay card) from the drug company, of all places, so that it will be 85 dollars a month.

They offer these cards to everyone, just have to sign up on their website. So why can they just adjust the regular price to reflect the discount...Can they even do that? How do people afford this with out insurance? I'm not sure how much my insurance even covers. The only reason I know the price is because my pharmacist called to see why I haven't picked it up yet.

My doctor, bless her, gave me 7 weeks of samples.

I've been completely sidetracked by my diagnosis. It's been all I've been thinking about (and writing about) for weeks now. It's completely consumed my life. Every quiet moment that I have I'm analyzing every ache or twinge I have. I'm keeping a food journal as well which is making me think about food all the time, especially foods I can no longer eat (I really want some cake).

And I guess this is normal, and I guess it's okay, for now, but I can't keep doing this. Things are starting to happen, school is going back into session a couple of weeks. I have two school-aged kids who are involved in activities and part of this stay-at-home-mom deal is that I have to drive them every where and I have to figure out a way to do that. I need to work around or with this illness cause I just can't stop being a mom.

I have to admit, I'm scared out of my mind about what could happen to me through the course of this disease but I can not let myself get caught up into thinking about it all the time. I need to be aware and proactive of my health but at the same time, if it happens to me, then I'll have to just simply go through it just like everything else.

Hubby's xmas hat. Rav link

There are only a couple weeks left before school starts. This year I will have a 4th grader and one in kinder. I have no idea what the baby and I are going to do all day with out them (except for some lovely uninterrupted afternoon nap time, although the baby has not had a nap in two days now...). I'm sure we'll figure something out it will just take some getting used to.

And then there's the whole parent volunteering situation. I'm going to Middle Girlie's Kinder teacher that I can volunteer to send thing in (like chips or cookies, candy, decorations) but I can't make firm time commitments to actually physically be at the school. This Crohn's is way too unpredictable especially right now since I'm still trying to get my meds straight.

I'm worried about sitting through ballet classes too and the fact that when they start I'll still be on a high dose of steroids and in very (very, the parent waiting room is tiny) close proximity to a lot of people and children. Must remember to use the hand sanitizer at all times. Less worried about soccer, since that's outside, air circulation is a good thing.

working on another xmas gift.

Reading all these Crohn's forums is making me upset. All these things that these (we) people are going through with this disease!

The first thing my GI said to me (and he seemed agitated about it, but he was running over an hour behind that day) was that Crohn's can NOT be controlled with diet.

I've been doing research (and scaring myself) online and everything I've read from MD sources say the same thing, the condition is not related to diet. Immediately after it says that each person needs to find something that "doesn't bug them" then how can it not be related to diet? That to me seems counter intuitive. Maybe I don't have all the facts (very possible) but it seems like there has to be a link. It doesn't make sense to me that it wouldn't.

I'm not planning on going off my medicine unless medical directed to but I do want to try to make things better for myself through diet. So I went on amazon and I ordered myself some books today. I'm not looking for a miracle cure I'm looking for some normalcy.

I did not get to sleep until 2AM and when I did I dreamt about yarn.



I'm working on this shawl. I wanted to have it done by my birthday but obviously, that didn't happen.

Now that I'm feeling a bit better I'm working on it again and determined to finish it.  

First of all I got lost getting there, so I was bumped an hour. Which was fine, Hubs met me over there and we sat and talked for a while. We go in, I get weighed, BP (90/58, shouldn't I have been in a coma? I'm fairly certain they did it wrong). The doctor is so nice, really she's a PA but who cares. I love her. She gave me 7 weeks of samples of my new med. You should see the top of my dresser.. So right now I'm on 10 pills a day for 40 days, then 9 for 10 days, then 8 for 10day, and finally 7 daily, for the rest of my life, or at least until this combo stops working.

I have a lot of trouble remembering to take pills, esp my birth control, so we'll see how well this is going to go. I need one of those pills cases, I never thought I'd need one of those pills cases.

They are also concerned about my weight loss and honestly, it's not going to get any better until I'm off the Entocort (60 days) because I've got to stay on my low residue/gluten free/lactose free diet until those are done. Then I can add foods in gradually, like a toddler.

I'm also freaking out that I'm going to get the scurvy! I can not have fruit or veggies right now at all. I'm thinking about drinking some of Baby Girl's V8 Fusion juice (with a full serving of fruits and veg!) but I don't know if I can tolerate it or even if I'm supposed to be drinking something like that. I forgot to ask, although I'm told I can have apple juice, and an apple is a fruit..

Can't you just hear him saying "mine!"

I keep trying to write this but nothing is making too much sense. A couple of days before my birthday I went to the ER. I was having pain in my lower right side, and assumed that it was my appendix, the doctors thought so too. I had a CT done. Nothing. They admitted me for more testing. Another CT scan later and a consult with three GI doctors they suspected an inflammitory bowel problem. I get discharged and get to spend my brithday at home (yay!).

Then it started:
On a Wednesday I go for my colonscopy, the doctor tells me as I'm coming out of the sleep that I have Crohn's. Now he's only 95% sure at this time becuase of course the biopsys aren't back yet. So I said, okay fine, cause you know I don't really have this. I still have that 5% window! He prescribes meds to help the inflammation in my intestines. I got to get them filled: $675. That's after what the insurance paid (they would have been $1100) for a one months supply.

On Thursday, the next day, a nurse calls me and tells me that I need to have another CT scan. The doctor wants it done on Friday. Crap.

Friday I go and have my CT scan. Due to an error I'm told to arrive at 10, I should have been there at 9 and this was a fasting exam, so I hadn't had anything to eat or drink since midnight. I had to sit in the waiting room area and drink contrast solution for an hour and they took me in at 11. I get home and I'm starving but feeling sick so I just lay on the couch. The doctor calls to let me know that my biopsy's are back. It's Crohn's for sure. I manage not to throw up.

I've not accepted that I actually have Crohn's at all. I'm trying not to read too much about it because honestly it scares the hell out of me. I have another appointment on Monday. The good news is that I am feeling better, the pain has lessened to the point that it's become an annoying cramp. I keep telling myself over and over again that God will not give anyone more than they can handle but this has been pretty hard. I'm the mom, I'm not supposed to be sick, especially not with something that will be with me my entire life, and no known cure. I don't want to come to be defined by this disease.

I'm feeling sorry for myself right now, sort of, if I let myself think about it and let it hit me, then I do. I'm at the point right now that I just cry. The rest of the time I'm just doing what I do: laundry, diapers, cooking, cleaning, mommyin', knitting, reading, praying.