Ramble On

I really try not to talk about this too much, so it seems to come out in drips. My mom's health has been on the decline for the past couple of years now. She's so sick, and every day just seems to add another symptom to the mix.  She's disabled, completely unable to work in any capacity, she spends her days in bed or sitting in her recliner wrapped in a heating blanket. Everything changed in Sept of 2009 when she had a pain in her hip. A pain in her hip that just got worse and worse and now the pain, the numbness, the nerve death is through out her entire body and is now affecting her heart.

I always said that I couldn't handle this, that I didn't want to be in a position of a caregiver in any capacity but now that I'm here, and I'm in it I just simply try not to think about it too much because I get scared. Not just scared, terrified of what's coming next. Today she's covered in a rash. Will she be able to walk tomorrow? What about next week? Next month?  I just focus on what I have to do right now, the laundry, the dishes, taking care of my children, cooking meals, cleaning, I can't do anything else for her. I can't do anything else at all.